JSA not AOK

So the Irish Budget for 2014 has been delivered. Grim news if you're young - although under 5's have come out of it for the better.

One point that struck me, while listening to Joan Burton grate her way through justifying reducing the dole for young people: Ireland has adopted the same mealy-mouthed description of "Jobseeker's Allowance" as was adopted in the UK in the mid-90s.

In this age of austerity, where anyone receiving money from the Government is being ostracised - whether it be through unemployment, disability or medical problems - why haven't the right-wing restored the name "Unemployment Benefit"?

But that would admit that no jobs are available, rather than their plight being caused by ending up out of work, as businesses (and Government) race to cut costs in a self-perpetuating cycle of decline.

(And no George, the UK economy may now be - pitifully - growing, but it's from a much lower base after three years of savagery. I learnt maths at school, something that your colleague Michael is keen to put a stop to.)

Poland

So England have another make-or-break qualifier to determine if they are going to go to the World Cup.¹ And it's against Poland, again. Which means one hoary old chestnut from 1973 is going to be exhumed once more.

Despite having been drawn in groups with Poland since, and qualifying from those groups for European Championship and World Cup finals, the media can't let go of the 1-1 draw at Wembley that meant England did not take part in the 1974 World Cup in West Germany. The coincidence of the latest qualifier being two days before the 40th anniversary of clowns, Alf Ramsey's resignation et al will only make things worse.

There's a lot of airtime and newsprint (and an infinity of internet) to fill before Tuesday.

Some things to expect:

- interview with the 'clown' goalkeeper ²

- thoughts from the living England players of 1973, as if they'd be any more relevant than those of a bloke in the pub

- attempts to analyse every potential Polish formation

- desperate pleas for the already-discarded members of the class of 2000-10 to return (like the heroes of a crappy action film) for one last taste of glory

- seance with Brian Clough to get his opinion on the current Polish goalkeeper (Sunday Sport?)

¹ Not strictly true - there would be a playoff if they finished second in the group.
² Already in the Observer.

Genius?

In the aftermath of the Arthur's Day PR disaster, it's interesting to see the reappearance of advertisements for Guinness Mid-Strength around Dublin.

'Yes, we acknowledge the problem with drinking to excess - but here's something you can drink in the same vast quantities yet only be quarter-cut rather than half-cut.'

Cunningly, the ad also shows a pint of the full strength version, just in case you have forgotten what one looks like. Or fancied one of those instead.

To borrow an old advertising slogan: pure genius.

In the Beginning was the Music

I was walking along Baggot Street last week, when The Delgados' "The City Consumes Us" popped itself into my head.

It's a good little song, not one of their absolute greatest, but still worth a listen, and evidently works for me as an earworm.

The randomness of this song, out of the hundreds that I have ever bought, started me thinking.

The popularity of the iPod and such means that a good percentage of people will be listening to some music at a point in time. What is the likelihood that at that point, more than one person, anywhere in the world, is listening to exactly the same song?

Extrapolating this to my own case, where a song has crept into my mind, what are the chances that two people are even thinking about the same song at the same time.

(Of course this excludes people in bands who are playing a song together live!)

There are seven billion people on Earth. There are far fewer songs that have ever been written, so it is quite likely that two people would be independently enjoying the same song - or hating, or one doing each).

So what are my points in this ramble?

1. There is already too much music to keep up with.

After several centuries, classical music had generated hundreds of compositions. You could spend years of your life listening to them all. Since the advent of recording, the pace of new compositions has accelerated, to the point where many years' worth (by duration) is created every calendar year. It is impossible to listen to it all.

2. There is always a gap for new music.

Seven billion people sharing, at most, a few million pieces of music. There is likely to be at least one pair of ears out there that will be receptive to a tune. The continued success of The X Factor proves this - if only for a couple of weeks. (Who did win the competition last year? Who actually cares?)

3. Music can, and does, function as a glue to connect people.

There is so much music that it is impossible to sample - and then appreciate - it all. Hence we usually narrow our listening to a handful of genres. Human nature, being what it is, means that we will strike up an affinity with those exhibiting the same choices. There's no better feeling, music wise, than being at a gig with ten, one hundred or ten thousand like-minded souls, sharing a moment, often bellowing out lyrics in unison.

4. My brain sometimes functions like the world's most obscure jukebox.

While cycling to and from work, random times do come to mind. I have an unfortunate tendency to sing some of these out loud, a bit too loudly. I would like to apologise to anyone on the Clontarf Road one Tuesday evening, sat outside Bay restaurant, who heard a few lines from "Theme from S'Express" being barked out by a middle aged man huffing and puffing his way home. It is highly unlikely that the same experience could be found anywhere else on earth.

Do track down The Delgados. They were pretty good.

It's Late

I was being a little snarky about The Late Late Show trending on Twitter last Friday, and was rightly admonished as it had been discussing the awful state of affairs with the Priory Hall development. The ghost estates scarring Ireland may be the most visible remains of the Celtic Tiger bubble, but Priory Hall was completed and inhabited, at least for a short time until the fast-buck short cuts taken in construction were discovered and rendered the place unfit for living.

But still, The Late Late Show...

I was first made aware of TLLS (I'm entering this on a mobile, it's going to be an acronym from now on) when Channel 4 broadcast it during the eighties. Well, broadcast bits of it. Little did I know that it's regular slot on RTÉ - I believe before the days of Network Two - was more or less the whole of Friday. There was Uncle Gaybo introducing mostly entertainment guests, if I remember it was the cream carpeted set period. (On the walls as well as the floor.)

It wasn't until I moved to Ireland that I found out exactly what TLLS was. It's a strange beast, a chimera of shows - even though it is described as being produced by "RTÉ Entertainment" in the opening credits. It was the last time I saw them, I haven't watched an edition in years. Not that I have ever seen one from end to end, I don't have the stamina.

Nevertheless, from an assemblage of what I've seen, TLLS is about three or four shows squeezed into one. Run of the mill chat show, with celebrity guests - or what passes for them. The music show, where, yes, Boyzone were once introduced to the world. The cringingly awful gameshow elements - an incentive to keep people watching until nearly midnight on the off chance they could win. The interviews with people in the news. The serious topical discussion. In fact it could be several episodes of Oprah through the ages, stitched together like Frankenstein's monster of light entertainment. TLLS is effectively a night off for continuity, why produce and introduce distinct shows, when you can have them all awkwardly merged together by one host.

TLLS began in the earliest days of RTÉ, when nobody really knew what television could or should be about. Since then Ireland may have thrown off the yoke of the Catholic Church (officially maybe) but the persistence of TLLS shows those forces of conservatism still hold. Which is ironic given how TLLS would push progressive ideas when Gay Byrne hosted.

The only show from the UK that I can think of in comparison is That's Life, with it's sudden lurches in tone from a dog saying "sausages" to a consumer interest exposé of dodgy salesmen to a root vegetable that looks like a cock and balls.

And then there's the Late Late Toy Show. The one time of the year that the programme has a single focus, and it self-sabotages with cheese and cliché. The speculation about the host's Christmas jumper, precocious stage school kids doing song and dance numbers, toys summoning the spirit of Tomorrow's World and refusing to work... Meanwhile at home, families crack open a box of USA biscuits and the kids get to stay up as a special treat. I reckon it's the toys that keep the rest afloat - cancel that and there'd be outcry and questions in the Oireachtas. (I spelled that right first time!)

Perhaps TLLS's longevity is in fact due to some secret deal with Ireland's pubs - RTÉ promise to keep churning it out, giving people an excuse to get out of the house. Only since the advent of other TV channels have the publicans seen their takings fall.