Poland

So England have another make-or-break qualifier to determine if they are going to go to the World Cup.¹ And it's against Poland, again. Which means one hoary old chestnut from 1973 is going to be exhumed once more.

Despite having been drawn in groups with Poland since, and qualifying from those groups for European Championship and World Cup finals, the media can't let go of the 1-1 draw at Wembley that meant England did not take part in the 1974 World Cup in West Germany. The coincidence of the latest qualifier being two days before the 40th anniversary of clowns, Alf Ramsey's resignation et al will only make things worse.

There's a lot of airtime and newsprint (and an infinity of internet) to fill before Tuesday.

Some things to expect:

- interview with the 'clown' goalkeeper ²

- thoughts from the living England players of 1973, as if they'd be any more relevant than those of a bloke in the pub

- attempts to analyse every potential Polish formation

- desperate pleas for the already-discarded members of the class of 2000-10 to return (like the heroes of a crappy action film) for one last taste of glory

- seance with Brian Clough to get his opinion on the current Polish goalkeeper (Sunday Sport?)

¹ Not strictly true - there would be a playoff if they finished second in the group.
² Already in the Observer.

Misery delivered for free

There were many more people on the DART this morning, with the schools back today. Those of us not tapping away on smartphones, trying to have a little sleep, gazing out of the window in utter boredom or listening to music at high volume with a gormless expression, were reading the free newspaper, Metro Herald.

(NB: If you're more familiar with just 'Metro', then Dublin got carried away with itself. Metro was launched here a few years ago, and the local Evening Herald decided it wanted a piece of the action too. It was not sustainable for either paper, chasing small markets of advertisers and audience - and Dublin was drowning in discarded newsprint. A 'merger' took place - the 'Herald' suffix is all that remains of the second paper. This is not the worst that could happen - the Evening Herald's design is awful. Remember when you first got DTP software and used as many fonts as you could? The Herald is lile that.)

The Metro Herald is effectively the Daily Mail, but for free. It ought to be categorised as a class A drug :

1. It is pushed openly on the streets by a gang of dealers

"Good morning Metro Herald!"
It's inviting, isn't it? You'd think that bright yellow raincoats would attract the attention.

2. The contents have dangerous effects on the mind

The relentless stream of headlines about house prices, crime, jobs, health ... everyone is either gaming the system against you, or a victim of the system - and it could easily be you!

3. The dealers have no qualms pushing their product onto children

Children's brains are remarkably pliant. Learning foreign languages comes more easily to them than adults, as their neural paths are not yet hard-wired. They willingly accept and embrace differences between themselves and others. The Metro has an insidious effect on their political and social outlook.

4. It feeds a chronic spiral of decline

See 2. Exposure to these headlines darkens the mood. Further exposure (usually the next day) makes things gloomier.

5. It leads to harder drugs

You will end up reading the Daily Mail. Extreme cases may result in reading the Daily Express. Or in Dublin, the Irish Independent.

Happy reading!

What does the Metro stand for?

Mainly Espousing Terrible Right-wing Opinions

Makes Every Train Resemble Oblivion

Mostly Excites The Righteous Orders

Morning Effluent That Rouses Outrage

May Excite The Reactionary Oddballs

Maddening Everyone Through Ridiculous Objections

My Eyes! The Random Offensiveness!